A Young Couple Gets Married
A young couple, a Long Island
princess and her childhood sweetheart who had just finished his residency
got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately
called her mother.
"Well," said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home..., PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "Calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.
Top Ten Ways to Cancel an Engagement
1. Eat like a dog during romantic restaurant dinners...barking occasionally helps add to the effect.
2. Wear all your clothes backwards and then ask her why everyone else is dressed wrong.
3. Don’t bathe for a few months, and then plan a visit to all of her relatives.
4. Carry a 7MM cartridge above each ear and in a hick voice, keep calling her “Bucky”
5. Shave your head and join a strange, yet celibate cult or enter the Priesthood
6. Tell her your “Psychic Friend” told you to marry someone else for fame and money
7. Tell her that she looks, talks and walks just like…your grandpa, and that’s why you “wuv ‘er soooooo” much!
8. Drive only on the wrong side of the road and call everyone else a maniac.
9. Tell her parents how excited you are that you will be moving into their den after the wedding.
10. Ask her if it’s OK to invite your other three wives to come along on the honeymoon since they so rarely get out.
The Good Wife's Guide - Housekeeping Monthly from May 1955
A Touching Story of Love and Marriage
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom. With even greater effort, he forced his boney fingers to grab the handrail and he let himself down the stairs, one stumbling set at a time. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, on the kitchen table, spread out in rows upon wax paper, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of 60 years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips were slightly parted. The wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, driven by one last gritty effort, shakingly made its way towards a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "They're for the funeral!" From: ButlerWebs.com